Sunday, August 05, 2007

The homesick bug

I've been bitten.

It took a while, but it has finally happened that I have been bitten by the homesick bug. I'm missing Oregon and everything about Oregon. My family. My friends. The weather. Even stupid ol' Pacific Oncology. I miss the familiarity.

I really, really miss having my own space. It is a viscious cycle, because wanting my own space means wanting to live in our house, which means wanting Dan's granmother to NOT be living in the house, which means one of two things: an infirmity so great that she must be moved to a nursing home, or the unmentionable. Neither option is something I like to think about or wish for, but there it is.

Dan and I have been bickering a lot lately, and it is wearing me down. He doesn't get it at all. I think his version of the story is that I am turning in to a whiny, needy, cranky bitch. I guess that's probably right too, but if he would help out a little bit then things would improve. Why can't he just understand how lonely it is to move across the country? I picked up and left all my friends and family, and now I'm all alone. I'm not supposed to be alone; I'm with him! But I feel very alone right now, and that's what sets off the cycle.

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