Monday, March 22, 2010

I'm bald! (Part 2)

Not sure if the lighting is any better,
but at least I'm wearing makeup.

Do you ever wonder why some people think some things are appropriate to say?  Or even, why they're you're friend in the first place?

Crapola grammar aside, I'd really like to know the answers to both questions.

Number One:  Really?
Where are the filters?  Some people don't have the appropriate filters that I think I was born with.  Have I ever spoken out of turn?  Put my foot in my mouth?  Dug my own grave?  Of course I have.  Of course!  Hello . . . we all do that.  Sometimes.

On occasion, I have spoken without thinking.  So have you.  So has everyone else on the planet.  But what about people that do it all the time?  How is that okay, exactly?  When is it ever okay to tell someone to their face that they look, "Terrible!"?  The answer:  never!  Especially if the "You look terrible!"  is spoken with aghast, horrified shock.  Believe it or not, this actually happened at work a few weeks ago.  Not to me (thank God--I would have cried), but to a gal that sits in a cubicle near me.

To be fair, she did not look her best that day.  Apparently she had been up crying all night; "problems at home" was the only explanation I ever heard.  I don't like to guess a person's age, and I would never refer to a person as old, but it is a simple fact that she is older than me.  As women age, crying all night gets harder and harder to recover from gracefully.  That's another diplomatically stated fact, isn't it?  So, setting the scene, the gal in the cubicle near me has lost almost all of her ability for elegant restoration from a night of crying.  Someone walked up to speak to her, and when she looked up at him the "You look terrible!" was blurted out in stunned exclamation and obvious recoil from her appearance.

She handled the rude comment with much more poise then I ever could.  On my side of the cubicle wall, I was livid.  This was not okay!  Unacceptable.

And now, number two:  Are you kidding me?
Sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with some people.  For some, it goes beyond a simple lack of filter; they are just plain mean!

So, I recently got my hair cut.  Blah, blah, blah.  I'm in shock, it's been hard to get used to.  Good cause, yadda, yadda, yadda.  (I've been repeating myself a lot at work, can you tell?)  It is no secret that I prefer my hair long and I'm having trouble learning how to style my new do (which means, I've been wearing it in a ponytail a lot).  I've also been very vocal about the fact that I like the way it looks in a ponytail; it does the little flip-doo that I so admire in other women with short hair.

And yet, someone thought it was okay to tell me that:  1)  my new haircut makes me look so much younger now (how old did I look before?!), and 2) my short hair looks so much nicer when I wear it down. When I have my hair pulled back (any length) I look like a spinster.


That is a direct quote from a supposed friend.  What a bitch!  Did I look like a spinster at my wedding?  Because I had my hair pulled back then.
And what about all these days that I've been wearing it in a ponytail since I've gotten my hair cut?  Was she telling me that every day all week I looked like a spinster?

I was so shocked, I didn't respond at all.  But now I hear it over and over in my head, and with each replay I wonder yet again, "Why are we friends, exactly?"  I'm not really sure.

It is just not right or fair that people can open their mouths and spout such horrible things with no remorse or recourse.  In fact, it's wholly unforgivable.  Sure, we've all said things we regret, but what she said goes beyond "regret."  It's inexcusable for any person to be that clueless to that degree.  People who say things like that think they're being honest.  They think the brutal truth is okay because it's the truth.  They think laughing after saying something severe makes it less venomous.

I think that's horse shit.

I think it's just plain rude and hurtful.

It's not just me.  I'm speaking generically but it's actually one despicable person that I'm talking about.  My friend, no less.  Why am I friends with such a deplorable human being?  This isn't the first time she's said something that hurt my feelings or someone else's.  I've heard her tell people they "look tired."  That means they look like shit.  I guess I can't think of any other examples, but don't worry . . . they're out there.

The "just kidding" thing is one of my lesser known pet peeves.  I hate the phrase "just kidding" when used to soften a harsh statement.  That's what people like my bitch-friend at work say so they can say something mean and not get in trouble for it.  But they still said it.  "You look like hell today . . . JUST KIDDING!  Hahahahaha!"

I'm not normally violent, but just writing that last paragraph made me want to slap her.  And my point of all this is I'm still searching the appropriate response to the JK Bitches of the world.

I suppose, "Shut the EFF up," is out of the question.

Brain wave!  I just thought of the perfect response to JK Bitch, and apparently I've come full circle.  It's the response I heard at the library a while back:  "My personal appearance is none of your business."

I'm actually looking forward to trying it out.

1 comment:

Pat Tillett said...

you are so right! Whenever people say "just kidding." they are not!

Some people are just total jerks. they look for any chance to make themselves feel better.

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