Sunday, December 30, 2007

Are you there?

Yes, I'm here. I know I haven't posted in forever, but I have been busy keeping our wedding site updated. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

I've missed writing to the great nothingness that is the World Wide Web. It feels like I'm sending a bit of my soul out into a Black Hole with each entry that I write. Except that statement has a negative connotation to it, and I don't really mean it that way. I just mean, who knows who will read what I write? And who knows if ANYONE will read it? I could blather on for hours, and it would be all for naught. Yet, the voice in my head needs an outlet, and blogging is perfect. Also, I'm taking a break from my game of Sims right now, and Dan's busy watching Band of Brothers (SNORE!), so it's perfect timing to write a little nonsense.

And here it is! I'm sure you're thrilled.

Life update: I'm sick of living in the basement. I'm sick of having no space: no closet space, no living space, no kitchen space, no bathroom counter space, no coffee table space, no laundry space, no kick my work shoes off and sit and stare at the wall space, no wall space, no shelving space, no VHS and DVD space, no breathing space, no farting space. I'm sick of not being able to decorate. I'm sick of sleeping in my fiance's high school bedroom, complete with the artwork he chose when he was 18, and nauseating cotton-candy-blue paint on the walls. I'm sick of not having my bookshelf, and really sick of not being able to choose from my multitude of books that are currently packed away in boxes. I'm sick of boxes. I'm sick of cat litter in the living room. I'm sick of seeing sick plants because I'm living in a basement with awful lighting. I'm sick of sharing with Dan and Blake and Bunny. I'm sick of being sick of everything.

But don't get me wrong. Life is good! And I'm not being facetious. Dan is sick of everything too, which is the only thing that makes this bearable. Thank goodness we're on the same team when it comes to being sick of All This Crap.

We're so excited to be in our house. Of course that statement is loaded, and we both cringe with the knowledge of what has to happen for us to be in our house, but we're excited to move on with our lives. And who can blame us or look down on us for that? It's nice to know that we want the same thing, and I refuse to apologize for WANTING TO BE HAPPY with my fiance. We want to start our lives! Right now, and until we're in our house, everything is on hold. We are still kids until we're truly living on our own. It feels like we're being tested right now, and I'm trying to figure out why on earth we need any additional testing. Wasn't The Trip To Ohio with Gazelle and Blake ENOUGH of a test for anyone? It just feels unfair at this point.

It's wholly and completely unfair. There are so many obstacles that we already know are in our path, plus the inevitible obstacles that we don't know about but know we should expect. So why is this added strain necessary?

Will we ever feel like we're just sailing smoothly? I don't mean that I expect for a day to come where we have nothing but clear skies and calm seas ahead for the rest of our lives. Good grief, considering my impending surgery and all the big ticket plans we have for the farm, I am highly aware that such tranquility is impossible. But it doesn't feel like we've ever had even a moment when the two of us can just be the two of us, in a relationship, in our home, with our pets, with our own lives, and (gasp!) a smile on our faces.

Nope. Instead it's the two of us, in a relationship, in Dan's parent's home, with our pets, with no life and no space, and a smile on our faces.

Close enough.

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